Living with your partner is wonderful but living 24/7 is a different ballgame. The pressure of being around each other all the time can be extremely taxing and potentially relationship ending. Since the lockdown in China, divorces have spiked because living full time with their spouse was too much. This is a situation we would rather avoid so to combat this, here are the top things you need to do to help the transition to full time partner time.
Set up working stations in different rooms.
Most of us are now working from home and it is vitally important that you work in different rooms. If you have a small house, other sides of the room but ideally, different rooms. You need to establish space for yourself and your partner will also need space. That way you aren’t technically together 24/7 and you can just meet in the kitchen for tea breaks so you do feel like you have some space.
Communicate
Open communication is the key to any good relationship. How you communicate is your choice but you should talk about how you are feeling and where you are at right now. If you are feeling frustrated, tell them about it. To avoid full blown arguments, try not to just have a go at each other, that's not constructive. Step away and Identify what the problem is, write it down and then both sit there and come up with a resolution calmly and put it into action. This will save you a lot of arguments and negative energy in the house.
Journal
It is frustrating getting locked in with someone, even if they are a wonderful person and you love them. Overexposure to anything kills so my suggestion would be to journal. Get your feelings, frustrations and emotions out of your head and into a safe space, it will stop you taking it out on your partner. Encourage your partner to do the same although they might not be open to doing this, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Journalling is a very therapeutic habit we should all get into.
Practice Gratitude
Your partner is great, you love them for a reason so every morning practice gratitude. When you are feeling frustrated and annoyed, it is a really powerful tool to help you deal with keeping the peace in the house. Take a moment, make a cup of tea and sit down and think about all the ways you feel grateful to them in life. It may not come instantly but if you persist, you will calm down and feel better. This is a great tool to practice in lockdown because if you do this everyday and it becomes a habit, it can change your life. Try making a habit of saying what you are grateful about each other to each other, once a day. It will change your whole relationship and bring you together rather than tearing you apart.
Be Considerate
It is important to be considerate of each other's different needs, not everyone's the same and living with someone 24/7 means you get to know everything about them, their habits, their needs, their behaviours. Now is a really good time to lay down some ground rules and boundaries. If you need space, make sure your partner knows it and establish a time when you can take your space. If you are an extrovert and you are struggling with being lonely, ask your partner to be more considerate of that and create a plan to make sure you don't feel lonely.
It isn’t just each other's needs, it is also being considerate around your house and space. Things like making an effort to wash up, keep things clean and tidy so that your other half isn’t always cleaning up after you. No one likes being the one who is always cleaning up, it breeds unnecessary frustration. Being considerate of your living space is key to a good relationship in a strenuous time.
Finally, be considerate of each other's feelings. The lockdown will affect people in different ways, if your partner is feeling frustrated or anxious, be considerate of that and offer assistance instead of getting frustrated with them. This would be a good time to learn about their mental health issues and how best to support them.
Introverts Vs Extroverts
You are about to discover who is an introvert and who is an extrovert in your life. Introverts are loving all this alone time, extroverts will be going a bit bananas. Learning how to best please each other is important, if you are both introverts or both extroverts, it should be a little easier. But if you are an introvert living with an extrovert, you will start to struggle as one of you craves space and alone time and the other will be frustrated with not enough social interaction. There is plenty of information out there on what an introvert and extrovert needs are but if you have a chat and identify what you both feel like you need in forms of support and make a plan, you should be fine. Communicate and be considerate.
Designated Breaks
If you are sharing space, take space or you will drive each other insane. Put on your headphones, sit in other rooms and ignore each other. It’s healthy to not be around the same person all the time else it will start to feel like a prison. Having space breaks will help you get a breath of fresh air. If you have a dog, you could alternate who takes the dog out just so you have space away from each other. Some couples don’t want this and don’t mind being together all the time and that is okay! But if you are someone who is worried about the strain of being together all day, every day. Take as many breaks as you need and don’t feel ashamed about it.
Keep on top of your own mental health
When living with a partner, it is easy to assume that they are responsible for your happiness and well being. Now is not the time to put your happiness and mental health into the hands of others, you are responsible for your mental health and you have to keep on top of it. There is another article on how to keep on top of your mental health, by creating a MH routine, you can relieve a lot of the tension that can happen in a lockdown. If you can keep yourself cool, calm and collected and take full responsibility for yourself and your mental health, you will do just fine during lockdown.
With this new dynamic, it can be traumatising, your whole life has already been thrown out of routine and in such unknowing circumstances, things like your mental health will be at risk. We are all in this together, if you feel like you are really struggling reach out to people who can help you. Lockdown can put a lot of pressure on a relationship but with good communication, take responsibility for your own actions and a considerate attitude, it will help relieve some of the pressure on a relationship. This blog post will be updated with new tips and tricks I learn and adapt into my own routine.
I would also like to offer my greatest gratitude and amazement to the NHS and any member of the medical professions. All the nurses, carers, private health care professionals that are working endlessly and at their own personal risk to help those most in need. These are the people who deserve medals.