Today I fancy chatting about core values.
Everyone has core values, ever seen the movie Inside Out? It's like that, we all have core values inside of us that are things we value in our lives.
Core values are the fundamental beliefs of a person. For example, honesty. If you value honesty and you are doing something that is dishonest, you will become disconnected from your core.
Our core values were instilled upon us when we were young, for example, when I was young, I watched a lot of Disney princess movies and a lot of their morals were instilled into me, protecting the weak (Esmerlda), hard working (Tiana), adventure (This was Tin Tin).
If you want to see a massive list of core values to help you identify which ones you have, have a look. Take a moment to see which ones you relate to, they will just jump out of you.
https://jamesclear.com/core-values
I actually mapped out my core values in a huge mind map by finding my favourite characters in tv shows I related to and finding out which core value I found familiar in them.
Our core value determine a lot in our lives, like our friends, we find people who share our core values and we bond over the simple fact of it. But when we meet people who clash with our core values, we struggle to like them and most of the time we don't really think about it, they just aren't your sort of person.
A lot of unhappiness in the work place or in life in general can be brought down to you are out of alignment with your core values. Everyone is different and everyone values things differently and we have both good and bad core values.
So if you are feeling unhappy at work, with your friends or just generally in your life, it may be because you aren't living inline with your core belief system. If you are someone who values helping people, Sales is not the job for you, you can do it but you won't feel very fulfilled. If you value family and loyalty, Tinder isn't the place for you. I may be all for internet dating but normally Tinder wont align with your values but it gets you meeting people! (Get out there!!) Anyway!
Something that people often get confused with is the fact that we can actually change our core values. Because we have been like it for so long, it often feels like we can't change or adapt our core values but we can, you just need to open up your limiting belief system (if you have an hour, watch Darren Hardy speeches on Youtube). Like in inside out, where she has those weird little islands and they can break and die and you grow new ones!
I actually decided that one day, I was going to adopt a new core value, integrity. I was always going to be true to my word and be honest and I made an effort to live my this new core value. The down side is I really don't like being lied too but small price to pay for being happy!
So I have a story for you.
This was at the start of my journey of self discovery and I was feeling rather overwhelmed, confused and well, just plain lost. When I was in my 3rd year of uni, I was doing everything.. ever and I felt like I lost myself. I didn't even know who I was anymore, I had gone so far away from who I am, I lost that connection to my core.
So one day, I just snapped, all I could hear was a thousand annoying screaming voices in my head, telling me i'm not good enough or telling me I should be like this or better like this person. I had totally just had enough and I plonked down, where I sat and closed my eyes. I am no meditation expert but I do it from time to time and I just sat in my locked room, closed my eyes and let the voices take me. By cutting out audio and visual stimuli, I was able to focus on what all the little voices in my head were saying, none of them particularly nice. But I just sat there and watched them, float through my brain and disappear. I did start to picture them as little ribbons floating in the wind but I just sat back and watched all the screaming and noise from a distance, just floating around inside my little noggin like they were strangers to me.
When you meditate, people tell you to quieten your mind but it doesn't really work like that. You can't just go Oh Hey, Shut Up and your brain goes OH OK THEN. No. It chats louder cause it’s a dick.
Anyway, the noise wasn't dying down, I was just sitting watching it wash over me and I focused more and more on what was inside my head than the distractions I was using to avoid them. But then I started to picture this ball of light, I am not sure why, it just appeared. A small handful of light, a bit like a star. As I focused on this weird ball, all of the voices actually started to get quieter and I just asked the ball, who are you? Who quietens my brain and protects me from negative thoughts.
I shit you not, the ball turned into a 5 year old version of myself, in my purple striped Kennedy School uniform with my little mushroom haircut and white socks with those 90s frills on them.
It was weird looking at myself as a child and feeling totally disconnected to it. It was like I was just staring at some rando kid, but it wasn’t. But as I just looked at her and I saw innocence and purity. That girl wanted to be a mountain climber when she was older, she loved her family, being outside, candy, integrity, cats. So pure and simple. I was staring into my core. Who I am underneath all the noise, the drama and then trauma. I saw a 5 year old girl who put others before herself, someone who valued adventure, animal well being and honesty.
I kneeled down (mentally, this was all happening in my head after all) to address... myself? I told her that I missed her and myself. To which she held out her hand, I took it and she melted into my chest and I could see and feel the little ball of light in my chest.
Naturally, opened my eyes like Holy Shit, what just happened. Bit shocking to be honest, wasn't expecting that to happen. But as I just sat there and breathed, it's like I released an expectation of me, the lie about who I was, was gone. I was just me, I didn’t have to be anybody else or any better and that was enough.
Now, whenever I feel lost or disconnected from my core values, I close my eyes and I focus on that ball of light. I can feel it, if I feel really disconnected from my light, I start being depressed, stressed and anxious and when I go inside and look for it, its dim and small. When I am doing what I am suppose to be doing, I am loud, outgoing and bright and the light takes up most of my torso and body. By spending 10 minutes to close my eyes and make the effort to stop listening to the shitty voices in my head and focus on my core energy, I can reground, re energise and re focus on the things that matter to me.
Visualisation works if you only stop and give it a chance. It may not have worked for you before but you have to try again. You're not suppose to be good at it, I advise you do a guided meditation, those things rock. You can unlock that part of yourself that gets lost underneath all the noise, emotions, social interactions and of course, trauma.
Whatever you are going through, grow through it. You are still you. You are not defined my your experiences, you are defined by how you handle them. It does get hard, I get that. But never lose faith that it's going to get better.
So try it! Close your eyes and actually visualise your core. For some people it is islands. For some people its 6 power crystals floating around the heart. I know one person that has a surfboard as their core that they visualise and then ride to connect with their core. For me it came naturally because I tried (sorta) to reconnect to who I am, for me I will always be connected to a light.
Good luck finding your core values and thank you for reading! If you want to get a daily little e blast to start your work mornings with a positive boost, just plop in your email onto the daily sparkle list and I will send you a little nugget of fun! My mother loves it so it must be good!
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