What is FOMO?
The official definition of FOMO is:
Anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media.
So Food FOMO is:
Anxiety that an exciting or interesting delicious food may currently be eaten elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on social media and you are not consuming it.
But I don’t need to tell you what the definition is, you have all experienced how it feels when your friends are on social media eating something you want to be eating. Like when you see an image of someone’s home baked cupcakes and you start to drool. Then you get the FOMO and a lot of complicated feelings come up.
It can go something like this:
Hannah on Instagram has a brownie, she has a brownie that looks delicious, your brain wants that brownie. If she can have it, I can have it. She has a good body, if she can eat brownie and have a good body. So can I.
Gets and eats brownie.
I hate myself, I am hideous, why am I so weak, I am suppose to be on a diet. I feel awful, I need something to make me feel better.
Grabs other processed food and the self destructive cycle continues.
Why do we struggle from it?
Let's start with some good old fashion science.
Human Anatomy
We are biologically programmed to find pleasure in food.
The human animal is built to survive, survival means eating food to put on survival fat, (fat is good for survival) our brain is a smart cookie and finds ways for us to avoid starvation and find the highest calorie food available and encourages us to like it so we eat it more. (Source)
Now, I believe fat is good. How much fat someone has doesn't determine if someone is healthy or not. There are many size zero crack addicts that aren't healthy but in the eyes of society they are. I know many curvy women who are strong, fit and healthy but in the eyes of society, they aren't good enough. Our body shapes and the size of them isn't a testament to how healthy we are! (Source)
But now that calorie dense food is available everywhere, that biological programming still works and we are naturally drawn to SUGAR and FATS. High in calorie, energy and deliciousness. Biologically, this would be mean berries and nuts. But, this food is making us put on our survival fat and since this isn't the caveman days and society believes fat and imperfection is evil, we began something called Restriction.
Aka. Diets.
Restriction
Restriction is a huge component to why Food FOMO is real. Human beings are rebels. If you tell us we can't do something, you can be damn sure that is what we are going to do. So when you say, you can't have that, it's bad for you. Your brain doesn't hear the it's bad for you, it hears the You Can't and then goes into a blind rage to get you that one item with its sneaky underhanded tactics.
Here is an example:
Restriction Mindset
I have ben and jerry's, I start eating it, it is delicious. Then I hit a point where I am done but my brain in restricted mode goes, but Jade, you will never get this opportunity to eat this again, this is your one shot to enjoy this, get in as much as you can. So I eat more than I intended too and shame myself.
Non Restriction Mindset
I have Ben and Jerry's, I started eating it, it is very delicious. I hit the point where I am done, I put it back in the freezer. Because I know, if i want some later, tomorrow, next year, on my wedding day morning, I can have it. Hell I could eat the whole tub, I just don’t want too.
This is because our body experiences dieting or restriction as a stressor. When we’re stressed, we produce high-levels of cortisol and adrenaline (stress hormones). All our body is trying to do is keep us alive and as healthy as it can, every day, all day long and as a result, it responds poorly to restriction. (Source)
Your body will also enhance the pleasure receptors in your brain when you smell forbidden fruits, making them more appealing and weakens your willpower. (Another HAES fun fact) So not only are foods MORE appealing to you when you say you can’t have them, you can’t enjoy them as much because of all the shaming and it makes you binge unnecessarily.
Comparison Mindset
It isn't just that, I know a few people who suffer from Food FOMO. It is when someone else has food and you don't. Born from a lifetime of restricting yourself and being told you can't, therefore, you get jealous of their food and you want it and comparison mindset settles down in your brain. What makes them special. Why are THEY allowed it and I am not? Why are they better than me that they can have brownies?
Here is an example:
Hannah has made a brownie, she has a brownie, that looks delicious, my brain wants that brownie. If she can have it, I can have it. She has a good body, if she can eat brownie and have a good body. So can I. Eats brownie. Begins heavy self shaming because you don’t look the same as her (because you look like yourself and your body is good enough regardless of its shape). The self shaming stops you enjoying the brownie and the restriction makes you eat more than you wanted too. A little processed deliciousness is great! But we go overboard because of our restriction mindsets, panicking that we won’t ever get this opportunity again.
Since the dawn of Instagram, it has been used to post photos of delicious food and we love food, so instantly we were down. But there is a side problem, you see someone eating their one treat of the day, they eat good all day but they post their treat and instantly, you are like Oh I want a treat, they get a treat. There are so many ways it happens as well:
Oh but I haven't had that in forever!
Oh but deserve a treat, I have had a bad day!
And all this is fine! Until it happens 3000 times a day and you physically couldn’t eat all of those snackos. Then you find yourself getting hyper jealous because all these people on the internet with their beautiful bodies are all having snacks and you aren't and that restriction mindset and comparison mindset is kicking in and the battle begins.
Biology goes: I want that
You: Shame yourself Don’t be greedy, you’re too fat, you want to lose weight to be pretty (I strongly disagree with this)
Biology goes: REBELLL!!!
You: urge to consume food becomes overwhelming and your mood is affected. You need a pick me up. What's the most often thing we do to give us a mood boost? Caffeine and sugar.
Mood spikes. Feeling better.
But you didn’t get a delicious treat you wanted. Unsatisfied, shame ridden and guilty. Mood drops. You think Fuck It, Binge.
Sounds like a crap way to live. I know, I’ve done it all my damn life.
But then we have another problem. I call her The Instagram Model.
Those 3000 people posting their food and cake on instagram, they mold into this 1 person. We call this person the Instagram Model. She is gorgeous, every hot photoshopped instagram models builds the way she looks and everyday she is eating 30000 peoples worth of delicious and amazing treats all day and you don't.
because you aren't good enough
because you're supposed to be on a diet
because you don’t look like her and her 1 million followers
You compare yourself to an impossible standard that you made up and use it to shame yourself into not being good enough and the food you eat.
Then the justification comes and it's exhausting doing this each day, being like:
I can't have that, but everyone else can and they look great, you look great too, have it, I hate myself. ARGH.
Food Fomo. The endless fear that we are missing out on something delicious and there are so many delicious things to miss out on. It comes with a lot of emotional hang ups.
Egg puffs, m&ms, ice cream, cheetos, bread.. the list goes on forever. I know cause I am a SERIAL food poster on the gram. If I cooks, I brags. Well I try to think of it as inspire other people to cook and eat like a human, bragging has never been my strong suit.
Now to the important shit. How To Deal with this FOMO around food.
We have established that:
It is stopping you enjoying food
Causing you to binge and get caught in a self destructive cycle
Your relationship with food becomes more distorted and more confusing.
Biologically, it isn’t your fault, food is designed to be enjoy and is delicious and your body wants you to consume delicious goods.
You compare yourself to an impossible body type and base it on the food you eat.
How To Deal:
The first thing I thought of was, avoid other people's food porn and then I thought to myself, no. That's just a restriction! That is fine with negativity but with food, you’re just hiding the food because you “aren’t allowed it”. But you are!
Release The Idea That You Can’t Eat Something
You can eat whatever you want. Once you release this you are given freedom and most importantly, a choice. You will find that once you are not constantly fighting your very nature, making healthier choices are so much easier. This was revolutionary for me because I started to listen to my body and ask it what it wanted, not what my petty, emotional, restriction ridden brain wanted. Once I freed myself of the idea that I could have anything and as much as I wanted, I was free. When you are free, you make better choices for you.
And food tasted so much better!
Know That Social Media Isn’t Reality
Understand that social media isn’t reality, there are so many posts of happy cheerful faces eating delicious snack all day every day. That is a microfracture of their life, they aren't living the high life being skinny eating chocolate all day. (some of them are but some people are just like that). Social media isn’t real, it’s like watching people eating on TV (another place I get Food Fomo from). You can’t compare yourself to other people because you aren’t comparable and you don’t have the whole story. You don’t even have the synopsis. You have the intro line on wikipedia. A line they wrote for you to read to contrust how you would feel about them. It isn’t real.
Embrace JOMO
JOMO is the Joy In Missing Out. When you feel the tugs of comparison and fear, just remind yourself of your worth and take a moment to show gratitude to what you are doing right now. Eating healthy as much as you can is for the greater good. Eating healthier foods makes your mental health better. Practice gratitude and remind yourself that you are important.
Reassurance
Reassuring yourself that just because something is happening doesn’t mean that your worth is affected in any way. FOMO is caused by an instinctual fear for survival. To be included in the tribe = survival. The best way to deal with a fear is to reassure yourself that you are safe and you are physically, emotionally and mentally are safe. You are still interesting, important and full of worth.
Ask Yourself, “Did You Really Want to Eat That?”
This is the eternal question of delayed gratification, saying no to something you want right now for the greater good of your overall mental health. I always adopt the mindset of, if you want it, you can have it but do you really want it? Knowing it will cost you potentially happiness in the future. (I can guarantee you, if you really wanted it, you will have no regrets)
NOW, before eating disorders flare, let me say you can eat whatever you want DON'T RESTRICT YOURSELF BECAUSE THAT IS BAD JUJU. If you really want something, Eat It. You will be able to tell the difference simply by questioning it, sometimes it's like YES PLEASE I REALLY DO and sometimes its like, Eh, I mean it’s cause I saw it really. If your really want it, eat it, zero regrets! If you didn’t really want it, leave it and go do something else.
See the Larger Picture
This is the most important, seeing the future. What you do today shapes who you are tomorrow. Which means, the decisions you make today, affect how you are going to feel tomorrow.
You know eating bad makes you feel bad, so choose to make better choices today and the best way to do that is to make a commitment. Do a week of healthy eating and see how you feel.
We sit there and torture ourselves on all the things that we are missing out on. The reality is, in your entire life, this one thing that is making you feel the FOMO is a grain of sand in the ocean. In less than 24 hours, it won’t matter to you at all, so don’t let it ruin your day because in your whole life, it is nothing.
MAKE A DELICIOUS LIFE!
You Don't Get Fomo if you are living your best life. Don't sit and eat drab salads and crap. Get into cooking, find natural foods you love. Cook your own lasagnas! GET SOME INSPO! Learn to cook. When I am cooking and low key bragging about it on instagram (I am proud of my cooks!), I don't get any FOMO about brownies on instagram. For years and years I have struggled with enjoying food because it came with so much shame and guilt. To the point that I just ate the same thing everyday. I knew the calories, I knew it was okay for me, problem. But now, I push to make sure that my food life makes me feel excited and fulfilled. There is no FOMO when I am eating the foods that make me FEEL amazing.
I hope this helps you! These are what I do to help me deal with Food FOMO. I am famous for having it, my boyfriend knows I am aggressively jealous of food. If he has food, I have to nibble it but he can’t have any of mine. I rarely get angry but honestly, if he bites my sandwich, I will literally lose my shit. Well I did, but I am getting better! Now that I live in a space of abundance and not lack. There will always be more food and I am allowed to eat it.