2013: That was my effective rock bottom. That was a ROUGH year and I was Physically, Emotionally, Mentally just DONE.
You know when you reach that point where you are just done? You can’t take another bad thing but you are so done accepting. Just rolling up in a ball and waiting for the next punch.
But you are here because actually, you don’t want to do this anymore. You don’t want to be a punching bag for the world. You know deep down in your soul you deserve better but years of being told you aren’t good enough, you don’t matter. Years of putting everyone else and their happiness first has left you feeling like you don’t deserve anything.
But my beautiful sunshine, you do. You are allowed to be happy, you are allowed to love yourself and you are allowed to take back. your power, live your best life and follow your dreams. You can do anything but right now I am sure it doesn’t feel like that because… where do you begin? Its like sitting alone in a massive pitch black dark room, you can’t see the doors or even which direction to take. It just feels overwhelming and isolating. But you aren’t alone, I am in the room with a large lantern to hand to you and this is it so here is your lantern, so you can get up and start searching for your way out.
Start with you. Reconnect with who you are and what you want.
The very first step is to stop stumbling around just trying to survive, you have been in survival mode for a really long time.
It is time to stop and breathe. Take a moment to draw a line in the sand and focus on how you are going to change. No more taking anyones shit. No more working yourself to the bone. No more running away from your problems.
It is time to focus on Who are you? What do you want? Not who everyone wants you to be. Not who society says you should be. Who are you and who do you want to be?
Ever the pragmatist, get a notepad. Write down who you want to be. Write down the things you used to love doing that have been long neglected. Write down things you want to try and things you love. Write down all those wonderful things that you want to be. Who are you? Reconnect with that energy, that soul that is hidden inside you, buried deep in your chest, curled up in a ball waiting for the sun to rise again.
You know who you are is still there right? Just waiting for you to give it attention and invite them back out and tell them that they are good enough just as they are. Because you are good enough, just as you are.
I am going to connect articles I have written on each topic and for this one.
Article: https://jadenyxlifecoach.com/jades-blog/core-values-visualisation-and-light
Cut out the toxic, restart your life.
You cannot grow, be happy and live your best kick ass life if you have things in your life that will want to hold you back and they will. You need to say No. No is a complete sentence. You don’t owe anyone anything, you don’t owe them your time, your energy or your self esteem.
This is liberating but also incredible hard, the article for this topic is how to remove toxic relationships but I need to mention how important your social and physical environments. It is time to Maria Kondo it up. If you are hanging out with people who make you feel like you aren’t good enough, ditch them. You don’t need to hang out with them, make better friends. If your house is filled with things that make you unhappy, throw them away, those pizza boxes, that exes sweater, bin it. Do a complete overhaul and fill your house with things that remind you of you and what you love. You want to walk around you home and think, I like it here, I have something that makes me feel happy in every corner.
Repaint the walls if you have too, change your art to bring you joy, get plants everywhere because plants make you happy (science). Change your environment to make sure you are 100% in alignment with your new wonderful life you want to build for yourself.
Speaking of which, we come to Social Media. We spend a lot of times of our phones, that is our environment as well. If you are following people that make you feel like shit, unfollow or hide their feeds. Make sure your phone is filled with pictures of things you love. Don’t text people who don’t make you feel like a million bucks. Don’t follow channels that make you hate yourself or your body. Do have backgrounds that make you smile every time and remind you that you are good enough. Because you are good enough.
Article: https://jadenyxlifecoach.com/jades-blog/toxic-relationships
Education is key.
Learning self love, acceptance and happiness is a huge and continuous process which may make you freak out because that sounds overwhelming but it isn’t. Life isn’t about being perfect, it is about being 1% better than you were yesterday. You don’t need to read all the books and implement everything in an obsession with being perfect. Let it go, breathe. It is about taking one day at a time and trying each day to show yourself a little love and kindness. Because you deserve that love and kindness.
You (like the rest of us) have probably been raised in a world where self love isn’t exactly abundant. It is more likely you were raised to be a selfless caregiver. Your job is to serve, help people at the expense of yourself (yeah I see you and I know Exactly how you feel). You need to unlearn a lot of toxic beliefs about yourself and learn how best to do that. There are so many places you can do to learn how to love yourself, books, podcasts, YouTube videos, pinterest quotes and instagram posts. There is a world of people out there who cannot wait to tell you how you can learn to love yourself (present company included). Surround yourself with positive information and if you need a place to start, here is a book list for you.
Article: https://jadenyxlifecoach.com/jades-blog/bookclub
Daily Gratitude
We will get to routine but this is something you should do every single day to make sure to reground yourself and bring you back to a state of positivity and good self esteem. Everyday, think of three things you are grateful for. If you fancy thinking about more, please do. In fact I encourage you to do it as often as possible but a minimum of three. Post on social media about it. Journal it. Text it to someone. But whatever you do, focus on three things you are grateful for and one of them has to be about yourself. I am grateful you are here and reading this. You are worthy and deserving of finding the door and stepping into the light.
Article: https://jadenyxlifecoach.com/jades-blog/the-life-changing-power-of-gratitude
Routine
We all have routines so I just want to make sure in your routine, you are doing things to boost your self esteem. If you are routinely doom scrolling, switch to something more positive and productive. YOU NEED TO ADD SELF CARE INTO YOUR ROUTINE. Try new things, find what works for you but everyday, you have to do something towards taking care of yourself. Not for anyone else, just for you. A walk, an activity, painting portraits of ghosts, whatever makes you feel happy and relaxed.
Self care routine also covers food, you have to be eating human food, not just beige snacks and chocolate. You need to be exercising in some form (walking, workouts, swimming) and you need to be sleeping properly. The basics will help you feel better with who you are and yourself if you have the fundamentals in place.
Article: https://jadenyxlifecoach.com/jades-blog/why-healthy-eating-is-so-important
Deal with your feels
Oh my, what is that? You don’t feel like how You feel matters?
It does. Deal with your feelings of shame, guilt, anger, pain, loss. Stop ignoring them, they are making the room you are in darker and scarier.
However, no one has ever taught you how to do that so Hola, I am here to help. The below article is the pragmatic way to deal with those feelings and beliefs about yourself.
Article: https://jadenyxlifecoach.com/jades-blog/6-steps-to-clearing-negative-emotions-and-being-happy
I will add onto this, if you are struggling with anxiety, you can deal with that as well so here is the anxiety battle plan: https://jadenyxlifecoach.com/jades-blog/creating-an-anxiety-battle-plan
and an article for dealing with anger: https://www.elephantjournal.com/2020/08/12-practical-steps-on-how-to-deal-with-anger/
and finally, letting stuff go: https://jadenyxlifecoach.com/jades-blog/letitgo
Your whole life
You are multi dimensional. You aren’t just one thing and neither is self love and happiness. There are 12 areas of your life you need to consider, if you want a quick summary of what they are, there is a super quick article here on the areas of your life that you should consider growing in and learning about.
Article: https://jadenyxlifecoach.com/jades-blog/6cornerstonestoahappylife
I feel like this has been a HUGE Content dump and I don’t want to overwhelm you. Remember, people do stuff at their own pace. Never shame yourself for who you are and how you do things.
Something you will notice if you go around these articles is that a lot of the time, they say the same things. Which is good because self love and happiness is relatively simple. It is the practice and implementation that is the problem, letting go of those old haggard ideas that you aren’t good enough, you are undeserving and you will be fine, just keep going. As the weight on your back gets heavier with every step.
You should know, I have an entire course on this on Udemy if you would prefer to have a chat of us going thorough these topics in detail. Some people prefer to take their journey in their own ways because it is a journey so if you prefer a video tour, here you go: https://www.udemy.com/course/get-your-st-together-and-love-yourself/
Never forget, you can do this. I know its scary stuck in the dark but now you have a lantern, you can go looking for the right door out and it might take a few tries but you will get there. I believe in you. 100%.