Since we are human and as they movie inside out demonstrated, we have the ability to experience envy. Body envy is something that no matter how body positive you are, no matter how much you love yourself, it is something you are going to experience. Because you are a human! :)
Lets begin with Why.
Body envy is a form of comparison specifically, downward comparison.
Research suggests that we’re more likely to make downward comparisons when our self-esteem is threatened—for example, if we’ve just received negative feedback—because these comparisons give us a boost, enhance our own perceived standing, and reassure us that things could be worse. (source)
Now I could go on and on about the science of why we compare ourselves to each other and why we are competitive but we will settle for the fact that we do and now it’s time to deal with it!
Who are we comparing ourselves too? Who is the benchmark?
To everyone it is a little bit personal but it looks something like this.
Tall but not too tall, 0% body fat but with a cracking rack, curvy butt, 6 pack but not too muscular, just a bit of definition. So much hair on the head but zero on the body. Tanned to perfection. Not a wrinkle, scar or an imperfection in sight. Think of the most beautiful person you have ever met and then photoshop them. It is normally something like this, something that your peers go “Oh My God she’s so hot/ beautiful and makes all the boys gush”. Or in mens case, all the girls gush. Body envy is for all genders.
This is mostly thanks to our age old friend, the Media. They pick what is beautiful, photoshop it and then shove it in our faces and then invent products to make us “look like that”. The media created hate for our bodies and then profited on it. Then they say things like Oh people must know this isn’t real and I am like. No. I didn’t know they were photoshopping images in the 80s. I thought that was only invented a few years ago (dunce moment) but the point still stands. Young girls don’t know that what they are looking at isn’t real or attainable. BUT! Let’s move on.
And then it goes something like this:
You are doing you, just living your life. Being chill, being wholesome and beautiful. Maybe you are eating clean and doing your best and you are feeling pretty good. Then you flick on social media and there it is, a beautiful person, maybe they are eating something delicious, high in calories and looking amazing. Maybe they are just living their hashtag best life, doing amazing things like living in Bali making millions on Instagram. Maybe they are successful in other ways, successful career, 3 kids and still models for Vogue on the side and makes their own perfect wedding invitation. There are many of them in many versions and they are all personal to you! For me, it is the classic fitness model with a gorgeous tan and amazing hair. To my friend, it is the perfect mummy blogger, with her #1 best selling book, works full time and still runs, the house, cooks healthy and makes all the time for her kids. Whatever your comparison trigger, I am sure she is beautiful and unattainable.
And your brain goes, Fuck, I am not good enough. It’s because they are beautiful in the eyes of society. I don’t look like that, therefore, I am garbage. And then Envy sets in.
Envy doesn’t make you a bad person, in fact, as established at the start, it is human! Now my natural reaction is to be like SHAME YOUR BODY JADE, LOOK AT YOUUU YOU FLABBY SACK OF SNACKS. Then Shame in another way and be like No Jade! Be better than this! Now normally that flicks me back to my way! But I want to break down the process for you because there are a lot of things to consider.
Process for dealing with body envy:
Remind yourself that you are good enough
First things first! Let’s deal with the fact that this image or person made you feel not good enough. They have what you want and now you feel like what you haven’t isn’t enough and that simply isn’t true. Just because someone else has a different life and prioritize, doesn’t mean you have no value. You are a wonderful, beautiful and vibrant person and your body doesn’t reflect that. Your body is just a tool for adventure, not where you house your worth.
It isn’t real.
You see a photo it may not be photoshopped but it is perfect lighting, perfect pose. I know because as a size 14 girl, I managed to position myself so it looked like I had a flat stomach and a cracking rack. No one posts their scruffy photos and let’s be honest, even when they post their authentic pictures, they are still the best of a bad bunch with a filter. My sister is a smart lass, she taught be positions and poses to look good in images and it is fine, great even to post your best pics that make you feel like a queen on the gram. But know that it was one good picture that was carefully crafted out of potentially hundreds of images. What you are looking at is a nice picture, but it shouldn’t affect your worth in anyway.
Set your own standard of beauty and have it nothing to do with body type
Beauty is subjective, it was decided in the 50s that skinny was beautiful, before then it was all about curves but they realised that there were more people with curves than naturally slim and they thought to themselves.. ooo Juicy Profit Day. Beauty was decided then but the thing is YOU GET TO CHOOSE WHAT BEAUTY IS. You can decide that beauty is found in action and kindness and not in a body type. You can also decide that curves are beautiful or you are one of my beautiful slim friends, you can decide that your slim body is beautiful. You can decide that you are beautiful no matter what society says because society doesn’t control you, you do.
Remind yourself that all bodies are different and your body is beautiful and amazing just as it is.
You can appreciate a lovely body without devaluing your own. If you resent or hate someone or body shame someone, that only spreads negativity. Look at them with love and say, nice body, mine is great too. We may look different and we may live as if divided but we are all the same, a human who is just looking for happiness. All bodies are beautiful, no matter what.
Deal with your feels about food. Don’t restrict yourself (more thoughts on that there)
I wrote this one for me, when I see fitness models eating like kings and eating shitty food it makes me feel like my body type is garbage. Restricting foods you love only leads to bad juju and when you do so, it only leads to FOOD ENVY aka Food FOMO. Nothing bummed me out more than seeing a fitness model eating food I wouldn’t allow myself (normally sugary treats) because I don’t want to “Get Fat”. But I am an old goose now and I allow myself anything I want and as a result, I get less food envy because I could have it. Also let us also remember that these are SNAPSHOTS of someones life, literally photographs or moments. They may no even be eating the food they posted on the gram! Don’t compare yourself to someone else’s food! It’s a waste of time.
Control
You can’t control if someone likes you, you can’t control if someone doesn’t like your body. That’s not your business. You can only control yourself, your choices and how you behave. If someone doesn’t find your body attractive, that is their business. The only business you have is making sure you like your body and focus on all that you have and not all that you are not. You are not perfect and in that imperfection, you are perfect. Because you are alive. Focus on what you can control, not trying to win over other people’s admiration and approval, but focus on yourself and your life. Focus on treating your body with respect and being body positive. Reassuring yourself that you are worthy of love and respect. BECAUSE YOU ARE! If I haven’t made that abundantly clear then I am not doing my job right!
Gratitude for your body.
Have gratitude for your own body. I say this so much it is my catch phrase, your body is a tool for adventure, it is not an object to be adorned. You don’t have a body to impress other people with its ability to conform to social norms. Your body is built for you to breathe, run, dance, work, create new life! Your body is built for you to reach for cookies on high shelves and build nano technology that can build a better world. It gives you the dexterity to pick things up with your toes and squirt milk outta your nose. Your body isn’t a precious painting, it’s the paintbrush and life is your canvas. Treat it with the love and kindness it deserves.
Tell you body you love it.
You have no idea how much it needed to hear it. I always say treat your body as if it were your child, do that. Self care up your body! But again, I talk about this in so many videos and blogs!
Focus on health.
This is recommended by professionals and a general cornerstone of my philosophy and that is, focus on being healthy, not on losing weight or looking a certain way. Focus on eating healthy foods and moving around and you will feel better in yourself and your body. When you feel this way, you will feel beautiful because biology is working with you! Serotonin is mostly created in the gut so happy stomach filled with healthy food, happy life!
We all sail in boats.
Understand that even your friends that trigger your body envy, have issues of their own. Everyone has a body image issues, no matter how beautiful you perceive a person. We are all struggling with it so don’t blame or throw shade on other people for having what feel your self worth is threatened by. Be kind always. We are all in our own boats travelling the river of life. End Body Shaming. Appreciate a body and appreciate your own! We are all beautiful in our bodies.
YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BODY. IT IS POWERFUL, WONDERFUL, AMAZING AND INCREDIBLE. There are plenty of people in the world who are going to say bad shit about your body but you should NEVER say it about yourself. Because let’s be honest, how many people to your face or even online have directly told you that your body is horrible? I know that people have but not in a very long time. Mostly cause they get a sassy BITCH YOU JUST CAN’T HANDLE ALL THIS S-ASS. Plenty of beautiful sassy women have written inspired comebacks, I strongly advise you have a google and add them to your prepped come back list, It is worth it.