As humans, we are split into two primary sexes and many more genders and we have all these stereotypes in our heads on what we should be.
Men are these qualities: Strong, provider, adventurer.
Females are these qualities: Sensitive, emotional, caregiver.
To be a man you have to be strong, protector, emotionless and in control and to be a woman you have to be like a selfless caregiver, wise, emotional.
But what a unusual lie that was, like one person can only have these qualities based on their sex? But these qualities were conditioned into us based on the society we grew up in. As the world grows and becomes more connected, expressing yourself against conventional stereotypes and gender roles happens more and more. But I don't want to go into the complexities of gender roles, I want to talk about finding balance within yourself.
Because there isn't a masculine and feminine, a male and a female. There is only a person with both sides and we live out of balance with them. We both contain masculine and feminine characteristics but by leaning in to one and not the other, we live out of balance with ourselves.
In society we are encouraged to be more masculine, it is more rewarded. To be emotional, kind, open to change and compassionate is perceived as weak and to be the opposite is strong. So a lot of us focus our attention on becoming more masculine so we can appear stronger. Because if we are strong, we can't be hurt right?
Life is messy, it is chaos and you will get hurt and it is a lot easier to handle it when you embrace your feminine side. The opposite applies, if you find yourself being more feminine inclined, leaning into your masculine side can help you feel more in balance with yourself.
Let me clarify some basics.
The qualities of the two genders from a solid source!
Female
Empathy
Nurture
Fluidity
Softness
Reception
Openness
Devotion
Creative
Compassion
Community
Feelings
Support
Intuition
Life
Understanding
According to Vitti, when you tune into and place value on these qualities within yourself and others, you:
Magnetically attract what you want
Hold space for projects to develop at their natural pace
Enjoy the process of creation independent of the end result
See the big picture
Work with others and create community
Connect to emotional and physical life as a catalyst for change and development
Relate to others by listening, sharing, and nurturing
Male
Leadership
Action
Reason
Logic
Adventure
Strength
Loyalty
Firmness
Survival
Confidence
Focus
Pride
Honor
Efficiency
Power
Caretaker
According to Vitti, when you tune into and place value on these qualities within yourself and others, you:
Tenaciously pursue what you want
Decide when/where/how a project grows
Focus on the end result of a project
Focus on one thing at a time
Rely on yourself and your individual achievements
Set boundaries around emotions and your body in order to accomplish goals
Relate through camaraderie, entertainment, and problem-solving
Have a look at that list and tell me you only belong to one of those based on your sex.
You can't!
We are both masculine and feminine and because of the way society has grown us, we force ourselves to deny one part of us to conform to society's ideals. We need to let go of the idea of what men should do and what women should do and understand that it is just two halves of the same whole. Not as a couplet of people but as one person. You are both masculine and feminine and when you embrace both sides, you can feel more in balance with yourself.
Let me give you an example:
Women should stay at home, they aren't practical, they nurture and have feelings.
Men are driven, action oriented protectors with no feelings.
Can you see why people are so out of balance with themselves? They are conforming to an idea that doesn't allow them to be who they are and experience their humanity in full. We may be different genders but we are still the human animal. Saying men aren't allowed to have feelings and women aren't allowed to be practical is ludicrous. That is an old societal ideal talking and it is outdated and based on something that isn’t real.
But I digress, the purpose of this entire post is simple, it is to encourage you to explore the other part of who you are. The LGBTQ community has done such a beautiful job at coming out and embracing who they are. It is mixing the whole system up because by choosing to ignore social norms and embrace both sides, people can find balance within themselves.
You aren't just a woman, you are a person with all of these qualities even if they have been defined as masculine. You are emotionally intuitive, courageous, adventurous, nurturing and focused. The same goes for men, you aren't just a man. You are emotional, flexible, wise, nurturing, adventurous and brave.
This applies to any gender at all, we all have this duality inside of us that have been defined by sex. But it is time to undefine it and focus on embracing all of these qualities so that you can find balance.
You aren't just who you identify as. You are fundamentally a human animal capable of all of these things. You will lean towards one or the other but that doesn't mean you should cut off the opportunity to experience truly being human out of fear of judgement of being hurt.
Be who you are, experiment with the opposite energy and find balance within yourself. I know I personally avoid feminine qualities to avoid being perceived as weak but in doing so, I fall out of balance with myself.
If we learn to balance these energies, we have more self-confidence, we get more of the ability to be objective, more emotional balance. So how exactly do we go about that?
Well looking at that list, it should be easy to identify where you are lacking so Step 1 is lean into your other side
Step 1- Identity what side you are not in balance with and focus on doing activities to encourage the opposite side.
Masculine
Do something competitive
Start a new project
Learn something new
Do something physical that pushes you out of your comfort zone
Take a damn break.
Feminine
Get Artistic
Nurture. A person, a plant, yourself. Be a vessel of positive energy.
Listen to your intuition, trust your gut, it has its own brain after all!
Feel your feelings
Think about yourself and how you can grow as a person
Step 2- Work it into your life
Your life is in constant motion. Change is the one certainty you can count on. With this in mind, One week, you may need to focus more attention on your feminine side, the next week the masculine. Take a look at what is going on in your life. Have you had to put up a strong persona and walls to keep it together? Your feminine side will need some attention. Same if you spend all day as a tireless caregiver, your masculine side will need you to take a break or lift some weights.
Step 3- Check in
Check in with yourself every now and then, especially when life gets hard. Make sure you are taking care of yourself in all aspects of your life.
If you are interested in more information, you can look into the divine masculine and divine feminine energies here!
https://chopra.com/articles/find-the-balance-between-your-feminine-and-masculine-energy