What colour are you feeling today? Yellow? Dark Blue? Personally, I am feeling a little slate blue if I am honest but that isn’t what we are here for! I want to explain my colour system to you!
I don’t know about you but since we were all raised to live in a society where expressing your feelings or emotions is taboo and frowned upon unless it's a mild complaint, you might have issues expressing how you feel.
*Ghost Jade nods profusely*
I am always astounded to find people who express how they feel so easily and abruptly, to everyone. I think it's a great quality because you will never catch me doing that. *Ghost Jade zips her lips*
Part of this is being unable to express how uncomfortable you are and in particular, not being able to say no for fear of disappointing people. Again, because we live in a world where it is “sit down, shut up, don’t feel and just serve”. Doesn’t sound too healthy when I put it like that but that is how we treat ourselves on a daily basis so instead, we are going to implement a colour system!
This system is for you but it’s also to help you communicate with other people. I didn’t invent this system, I am just passing it on. *Ghost Jade looks up from a pile of books she is delving through wondering where this came from*
Here is the system.
Red- Means Stop, No, I am uncomfortable. Go Away.
Yellow- Means I am not sure. I need a moment to process this. Time Out.
Green- Means YASS LET’S GO!
Using the system is easy. You just ask, what's your colour?
The colour will pop into your head. If you are alone, you can deal with that, stop what you are doing and take a moment to check in with yourself and work out what is going on.
With other people, send them this article and have your own custom colour system in place and teach them so they know. So if you are struggling and your person notices and they can say “whats your colour?” and when you say Red, the person who also knows the system goes knows to stop immediately.
Or you say Yellow and you take a moment to breathe and talk about what is bothering you.
It is a really great way of dealing with consent issues but I don’t mean just sexually (because we are sex positive!), I mostly mean living your life.
Is someone asking you an uncomfortable question and you aren’t sure you are ready to answer. Red or Yellow as you figure it out.
Is someone asking if you want to go to the park and you want to but you are shy at deciding. Green!
I remember reading of this system in a story *Ghost Jade throws a book at you* and they used it as a secret code to communicate in public if they were uncomfortable.
They would drop colours subtly into the conversation and make direct eye contact to make sure they knew they were picking up on discomfort and asking how they wanted to proceed.
For example, if we are out with other people and we have been invited to go on a walk. I can see you clam up so I ask “I don’t know, we were thinking of going to sunbathe in the park (green)” to let you know, I am green. Then you could say “actually I wore the wrong shoes, I wore my red ones, they aren’t good for walking”. So I know that you don’t want to go on the walk. Now, you can be much smoother than that, working colours into the conversation is weird and fun. Or you can just shout RED in a panic, either way, the point is getting across.
Since I read about this system, I have used it because having to explain how you feel is hard. Saying Red means you can bypass all of that trauma quickly because unlearning you don’t have to please people and learning to say No, that takes time. The colour system is something you can implement right now to help you communicate if you are uncomfortable or not or struggling in a way you can’t explain with words. Sometimes you just want to shout “OMG JUST GIVE ME A MOMENT TO PROCESS”
You can even set the colours so you can have:
Red: No
Orange: Really need a break for a moment to process
Yellow: I think I want to but I just need time/discussion/support
Green: Let’s go Let’s go
Purple: I am overwhelmed and I need to have some alone time (This one I made for me)
The colour system is simple if you really struggle expressing yourself and you have a really hard time saying no. It also really works when you are dealing with yourself. If something is stressing you out, you can ask, what colour am I? Red? What is making me feel Red? It is a great way to talk to your intuition because it Knows. Often if you are in a situation and you feel (for lack of a better term) weird and you don’t know why. What colour are you? Why are you feeling threatened? What has changed in recent times to cause you distress? Find the source and remove yourself or deal with it.
This colourful system isn’t for everyone. But as someone who has struggled with communicating and simply saying no, deciding or expressing oneself at all, it is just a different way to trick my brain into doing stuff. Plus, it’s fun and I like colours!