Let’s chat about my super power, the power of gratitude. We are going to hit the ground running today because there is a lot to cover so we are starting with the bluntest truth of all.
Happiness, like gratitude is a choice.
We can choose to be grateful for everything that we have and a reason we don't express it as much as we should is because it is connected to self hate and our drive as humans to progress.
If we are grateful for what we have, we may lose that drive to push ourselves to actually hit our goals.
Being grateful for what you have doesn't mean you won't progress, it just means we can enjoy the present while we work towards our goals so you can live happily in the moment instead of grinding away miserably for a future you may reach and by the time you hit that goal, you don't celebrate it because it's already yesterday's news before you even hit it and the high of hitting it fades away as quickly as it began and we are miserably grinding away again.
You have so much to be blessed for, your life, your experiences, your luxuries, your privilege. And yes, life is unfair for everyone because there is always someone who has it easier and better. It's hard to be grateful for things in your life when they never seem quite what you imagined or someone else has it better.
So the first thing I want to address is that:
Comparison is the Killer of Joy.
You compare yourself to people you have no business comparing yourself too and you hate on yourself and your life because you aren't that person or where that person is at and it kills your happiness.
Gratitude, much like meditation, takes practice. It is easy to be grateful if something good happens to you but when bad things happen to you, it's hard to be grateful. for example, when you are grateful to your partner for being supportive but he never helps around the house and you start to think, why am I grateful for him again. It's easy to be grateful for all the help he does do, but when they aren't helping, gratitude is gone.
That being said, You don't have to be super grateful ALL THE TIME. You may end up having your gratitude and kind heart taken advantage of and being abused because you are so grateful that you excuse their shitty behavior and they get away with it. This is another huge subject and it's a hard balance, there is no line as every person is completely individual. I will always be overly grateful and practice it as much as I can, but your gut will tell you or your friends will tell you, when someone is taking the piss. For example, if you split the bills equally, it's not your job to keep the house clean and take care of your partner like they are a baby. They should do some personal development and take responsibility for their share of life. You aren't your partner's mother.
Its a balance and if you feel like it has become unbalanced, say something, speak up and say I feel like I am being taken for granted and unappreciated and I would like some assistance please.
Your gut is your superpower, it knows and you will know, that is why meditation has always been so important, it gives you the opportunity to listen to your gut and what it has to say and you should always listen to it. It knows even when your head doesn't.
But let's jump back to why gratitude is great for your life.
Gratitude is the cornerstone of loving yourself. It is the super power to happiness because if you are grateful for everything in your life and your hardships, you become invincible. My favorite quote has always been, I am grateful for my struggle for without it I wouldn't have found my strength.
Now I wasn't grateful for my struggle at the time but now I look back and I am so grateful for what I have been through because of who I am right now. Who I am is amazing and I am happy with that.
And before you think that's a bit arrogant Jade, just a quick reminder.
We are all awesome and here is the difference between self love and confidence and arrogance.
Confidence is being comfortable with your ability and who you are and loving yourself regardless
Arrogance is confidence mixed with thinking your better than everyone.
I am comfortable with the fact that I am awesome because I don't think I am better than anybody, I am not comparable to anyone, I am just me and I am grateful that I am just me. Because if I was someone else, I wouldn't be me.
So let's talk about the emotion around gratitude which is appreciation.
Life is demanding and exhausting and messy and we all go unappreciated. We all do, its like we do all this stuff for other people and it goes unnoticed and unappreciated because it's now expected of us.
Story time! Adventures of Jades life
One day, I was at home, living with my family, I literally cleaned constantly, did all the meals for everyone and I worked really hard to keep everything clean and no one ever thanked me, took note I had done anything, it was expected of me because I did it. Because I didn't want to live in a shit hole of a house and it felt like every time someone just dumped something on the floor, it was a sign not only of disrespect but also a sign of anything I was doing to help, is going unappreciated. And I was on the verge of being angry by this point, I was about to lose my shit because I was doing all this stuff and everyone was angry at me and demanding I do more because what I was doing wasn't good enough.
And I was just standing in the dining room, burning with anger and this little voice whispered into my conscious mind and said, I wonder if everyone feels like this. It blew my mind because I was like, holy shit, I bet everyone does feel like this. The energy of the house had been toxic, everyone was rude and sniping at each other and with this one thought, its like my whole attitude and mindset had changed, it went from one of a victim to one of someone who can change their situation, make the best of it and my selflessness kicked in.
So. I took it upon myself to channel my energy into Appreciation Day. I picked a member of my house who was struggling the most, work was hard and she was miserable and she worked at a maccas, there is no place that appreciates their staff less than a maccas.
And I threw her a surprise Appreciation Day.
I got my whole family involved and her best friends, it was amazing how quick people were in the house to jump up and go YEAH that's a great idea, I expected my mother to snap back with NO ONES DOING THIS FOR ME but she went out and got some orchids for her. We got her a few gifts, a card listing all the ways we appreciated her, thanked her for all the things she does, got her some flowers and made her favourite dinner, Stew. My sister's favourite dinner is stew and dumplings. She LOVES dumplings.
It was like someone had to be a catalyst for change, as soon as someone stood up and said, hey, let’s appreciate someone cause they do a lot for us, everyone else jumped on the bandwagon.
The results of my little experiment were incredible, she did a 360 in her mood, her attitude, everything about her perked up. It's like the dark cloud she was surrounded by dissipated because we had got a bunch of fans and blew them away and she was able to shine. By showing gratitude for the people who do so much for us, showing appreciation for all the effort they put in on a day to day basis that goes unnoticed, allows them to shine and everyone's life gets better.
The entire mood of the house changes, suddenly everyone stopped criticizing each other and everyone was more grateful. My anger has dissapated because I may have been unappreciated but I was unappreciative of everyone else and we were all in this together.
The thing about gratitude is its infectious. If you put the effort in, be the bigger person and step up and show gratitude, other people follow suit and the world gets better. Since that experiment, we have all made it a priority in our lives to show appreciation for the people in our lives. We always say, I appreciate you as normal communication to the point that it sounds normal to us not but it's something no one ever says. No one every verbalizes it, we compliment each other (not enough but) when we do, its normally physical, it's never gratitude for who they are and they things that they do.
So start showing appreciation for someone, run your own experiments and see how it affects your life.
Then on a day to day basis, I recommend you do what I do which is to start a gratitude journal, I have mine actually as an instagram account. It just sits there, no attention is needed to it, I just occasionally post a picture with something or someone I am grateful for. Sometimes its my sisters, my friends or sometimes its ice cream or the ocean. Don't tag anyone in it, its open for all to see but its my space to show appreciation and gratitude for all that I have.
One day I was really struggling, the dark angry clouds were in my head so I sat down, grabbed my phone and posted about 16 photos in one day. I just started with one that I took recently and I posted it and it's like a bit of the cloud went away and it became addictive so I kept posting. 16 photos later, I realised over the last month, how grateful I was to everyone in my life and my mood and attitude changed.
Gratitude changes your attitude and makes like happier if only you would choose it.